In 2002 at the age of 19 seemingly out of nowhere, I was in excruciating pain. To be honest, and quite blunt, I felt as though I were being raped with a dagger.
After numerous trips to the emergency room, primary care physicians, a gynecologist, and after a laparoscopy, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis.
What this was was not clearly explained to me, but the gynecologist said that if I ever wanted to be a mother, I had to start trying soon, because my chances were slim, and would only get worse with age. She said in fact that the likelihood of ever getting pregnant was about a 10% chance.
My fiance and I then decided to move our wedding up a year so we could start trying as soon as possible. We both wanted children, and wanted to be married before that happened.
We were married May 31, 2003, and on June 23, 2003 I found out that I was pregnant with our Son. I thought to myself "Slim chances my ass!"
In October 2005 another baby, a daughter was added to our family! I thought I was a goddess, I kicked infertility's ass! I had two beautiful children, when the doctor told me I probably never would!
When my our daughter was six weeks old I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The doctor informed me that is when cysts form on your ovaries, making your ovaries look like a pearl necklace. This was the new pain I was having (which I had previously thought was from 2 cesarean sections). She told me, that this along with the endometriosis had rendered me completely infertile. She prescribed Depo Provera to control the symptoms. All it did was make me pack on 50 pounds!
My husband and I parted ways in early 2007.
I began a new relationship, and things were going well. In October of that year, I rushed to the emergency room because out of the blue I began to hemorrhage uncontrollably. I was on my way home from the store when I felt gushing, and my jeans became saturated almost to the knees in blood.
After a night full of ultrasounds, CT scans and painful internal examination I was informed that I had a tumor the size of a golf ball on my uterus, that they had no doubt that it was malignant, and that I needed to follow up with my gynecologist as soon as I possible could. Doesn't malignant mean cancer? I could breathe, and the doctor then informed me I could be on my way, he didn't even blink!
At my appointment the following week, the gyno did some tests, and told me to breathe easy, there was only a fibroid tumor on my uterus, nothing to worry about, but that she wanted me back November first to follow up on some tests she had some that day. I never left a doctors office happier!
November 1, 2007 I went in and t while I was there, I told them that I thought I was pregnant. They told me that was improbable, but that they would do a test. I was! Miracle baby number 3!!!!!!!
November 7, 2007 waiting in the carpool line at my sons preschool my cell phone rang. It was Nurse Lisa, my gyno's nurse. She made the calls since my gyno was Romanian and French, and very difficult to understand. I asked what was up, and she asked if I was sitting down. I told her, yes, I was in my car. She told me to pull over, and I got scared and explained I was in the carpool line, no worries, picking up my son. She then explained to me that the Colposcopy they had done on the first came back as showing cancerous cells. I didn't understand. "What do you mean? Doctor P said the tumor was a fibroid and I had nothing to worry about" She then explained that the cancer was found on my cervix and that I needed to come in as soon as possible. That feeling of not being able to breathe hit me all over again. I couldn't cry, I couldn't think. The entire world was a haze. It was worse then in the emergency room. I truly for the first time felt as though I were standing outside my own body, and not believing what I was seeing, or hearing. My son got into the car, and we went home. I cuddled with my babies, and held them tighter then I ever had before. What would I do without them? Where would they go without me? Every possible event in my childrens lives was going through my head. What was I going to miss out on, and what were they going to do in their lives that I would never see? Would my little girl walk down the isle without Mommy kissing her cheeks first? Would my son not have his mother son dance at his wedding reception? Would not get to see my grandbabies? Never be called Nana? Most 24 year olds don't think of missing out on their grandchildren, I was forced to.
During my pregnancy, I was urged time and again to terminate. My doctor explained that I was at stage 3, and there were only 4 stages. She said at stage four, you go shopping for a casket. If I progressed to the next stage before they could do anything due to my pregnancy, I would die. I refused over and over. My baby deserved at least the 24 years I already had lived, I was not going to deny her a chance at a life!
We both lived, and a few months after she was born I had surgery to removed the infected tissue. Success! I was now considered cancer free, and my daughter was a beautiful, healthy baby!
When my daughter was four months (before my surgery) her father decided he could not be with a dying woman. He said he would not be able to take care of her without me, that he could not watch me sick all the time because it gave him anxiety, and he left.
Life was good, in as much as I still had a life! I watched my babies grow! I got to see the first days of Kindergarten for my older children, which a few years prior, I never thought I would get.
I met a beautiful man and we moved to a new state. I had lost a bit of weight, and at first was excited about it. What woman after three kids wouldn't want to shed a few pounds. I wasn't even trying, it was just falling off of me, how wonderful! Pretty soon though, the hemorrhaging began again, the pain was worse than it ever had been before, my teeth started falling apart when I had never had so much as a cavity, and the weight loss got more drastic as the days went on. Normally a size 14-16, I was now a size 5. Any woman reading this will understand, that is a huge amount of weight, in only six months time. My now fiance urged me to go to the doctors, so I did.
They tested my thyroid, which was normal, and they also scheduled an ultrasound. That, didn't go so well.
They found that I have three large tumors on my ovaries. Ovarian cancer.The cancer is also causing my PCOS and Endometriosis to rapidly grow out of control. They then tested my blood more thoroughly and found the reason for the extreme weight loss. A syndrome known as Cachexia. It is a severe form of malnutrition caused by the tumor literally sucking the life out of me.
And that brings us up to date.
I am writing this so that maybe, no woman will ever have to go through what I have gone through for the last 11 years! I am writing this to help myself get it out of my mind. I am writing this so that my story is heard, should I not beat it this time around.
As you will see, I have my good days, as well as my bad, but every single day my goal is to Fight Like A Girl!
